salam kenal, Tuhan

semudah itukah Tuhan membagi-bagikan sepotong ingatan?
engkau hadir dalam lingkaran bifurkasi tak karuan
hitung mundur sang waktu
kilas balik si pemilik rindu
semakin terkoyak di dalam turbulensi yang tak berbelas kasih

bukankah itu permainan Tuhan?
terlalu dangkal jalannya mesin di otak kita para insan
memahami kasih sayang sebagai kebencian
dan sebaliknya
tertipu akan kemurkaan yang berjubah kilauan

keinginan Tuhan terlalu absolut untuk dimaki
tidak pula mampu kita kan mendaki
gunung terjal kekuasaan yang mutlak tlah terberi
Tuhan hanya ingin kita menyaksikan
lihat, itu caraNya menguatkan

di saat kaki terseok kelelahan
tangan Tuhan tidak pernah alpa terjulur menyelamatkan

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if you're not THE ONE

"I'll never know what the future brings

but I know you're here with me now

we'll make it through

and I hope you're the one I share my life with."

June 27, 2014

this was a memorable date for me. I am gonna go a step further in my life which I have never imagined before. I even could not feel anything since what I felt was too complicated to tell. too many feelings to feel yet indescribable. at this moment, I am gonna give my whole life to a person rather than my dad, my mom, or my whole family. I am gonna give my whole life to a complete stranger I have only known for less than 2 years. (can you imagine?) well, since my parents already give their ridha to him to protect me with his life, then there it goes.

this complete stranger declares himself to sincerely give his life to protect me, to take care of me, and to make me happy. what a huge promise to fulfill. the only thing I can give him is my trust. I am gonna trust him the way he wants me to. I give all my life to him and so does he.

days before the DAY, we have been going through soooo many fights and disagreements. I got mad, he got mad. I cried, he kept silence. I was silent, he was too. the bigger the fight was, the more unsure I was. even the night before the wedding day, I felt like nothing. I did not know how I could be so sure to give my life to someone who frequently got me mad. then I became completely doubtful. once I really wanted to go nowhere and left everything behind. but then I rethought all about it and tried to go back to my life, no matter what. I tried to face it.

the time came..

that morning, I still felt nothing to him. then he sounded his ijab loudly through the microphone that I could hear it from my room. I got my knees so powerless. I got my heart melted. after he finished the ijab, I suddenly knew it. I love him. that's it, and no matter what. I just knew it. and I know it. I got out of my room to meet him and smiled at him. I forgot about those fights. I forgot about those cries. I only want him. HIM. amazing, right?

we have been going through ups and downs and yet it is proven that nothing can beat us. anything and everything can try to break us down but we know that we will keep on standing and we will keep on going. because our love is much much much stronger than anything, everything in the world.

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